Calling

I recently spent a week in NJ and NYC and as always, it was incredible. This time was a little different than most trips back though. Usually I only get to see my Liquid buddies for a day, but this time I got to spend a whole week with them and be a part of the church again. Two of my friends from Chicago and I went to volunteer for Camp Rock, which was Liquid's Outreach for this year. Although it was exhausting, I haven't had that much spiritual fulfillment in quite awhile. I left everyday with a HUGE smile on my face and a very very tired body.
Every time we went into the city, I felt energized and an overwhelming feeling of joy. I'm not in love with New York City because it's New York City or because it's supposed to be the "greatest city on earth". I just...love it. There are a million reasons that I could use to say why I do... but then I'll just start to bore you when I start talking about the fire exits on the apartments in SoHo or how I oddly love people watching on the subway.
There were moments on this trip, where I felt nothing but pure joy and happiness. I remember watching the final performance of the Camp Rock on Sunday, and just thinking that it was a perfect moment. I had a couple of great friends with me and I was at a church that I truly love. I soon realized, that when I actually make my move east, its not going to be that easy. I won't have my Chicago community with me all the time. For the most part, I'm going to have to make all new friends and start all over in a new city. Even though I know my way around the city, I don't live there yet. I know it's going to be much different that what I think it will be. It's not going to be butterflies and lollypops everyday. It will be tough. This was also made very apparent to me when I took a quick little trip to the ER on Sunday night. My left arm started to go numb and I felt very light headed, and of course I jumped to extreme conclusions and thought "heart attack, yup that's what's happening. I'm 22 and having a heart attack. No previous history of heart problems...but yes that's what's happening." I immediately ran to the church office to find one of the wonderful ladies I worked with last summer and knew she would calm me down. She ended up taking me to the hospital and constantly reminded me that I would be ok. I remember sitting in the car, thinking that that was the end. I prayed, but I was such a frantic mess that I don't think I made much sense to myself or God, but he knew what I needed. I had a sense that everything would turn out just fine, and that everything was in God's hands.... not mine. During my wait in the ER, Lois and I just talked and eventually I was able to think straight again. Luckily, it was just a muscle spasm and my EKG turned out to be better than the doctor's. That's another awkward story for another time. My time in the hospital, although scary, was a blessing in disguise. Lois dropped everything at the office to take care of me. She came to my aid as if I were her own. I was reminded that even though God may not be a physical presence, he shows himself through the love of people.
One of my friends on the trip asked me what my favorite thing was to do in New York, and I said to show my friends around the city. Showing them something that means so much to me. There are few things that bring me more joy. I absolutely love discovering new places and then showing others. When I eventually move to New York, and stop talking about moving there, I hope I can show God's love to those around me. I hope I can show my new community how much God has done for me, and how at any moment he would drop anything and everything to be by my side because I am his own. In a city that is obsessed with promotions, money, and image; I hope to show them a God that loves them when they don't make senior partner, get a huge raise or can't fit into the jeans they wore last year. Simply put, God is Love. Nothing will ever change that.

When we ask, he answers

The spring quarter at DePaul has learned how to get the best of me every year. With about 4 weeks to go till finals, I break...happens every time. I get to a point where I am so tired, my patience is thrown out the door and my verbal guard goes along with it apparently. I become short with others and tend to be a little more sassy than usual. The thing that hurts me the most though, is I really let it effect my relationship with God. How I treat others is how I am treating his creation. My relationship with God hits rock bottom when I start finding "faults" in his creation. He made everything in his image.

The more that I push myself at the end of the quarter, the farther I feel from God. I think if I just keep praying and reading my bible that everything will work out, and everything will go back to the way it was. Thats not how he works though. No matter how hard we try and make our relationship with God work, it always seems to do the opposite. It's not our works, but his. When God starts something, he finishes it. So no matter how hard we work and try and make things better, it's really God who gets the credit. All we have to do is ask. He awakens our soul and reminds us once again that we are his children and he will not forget about us. ever.

The Big Apple

Two weeks ago, I was in my happy place. I hadn't been to New York in 4 months, which for me seems like FOREVER. I went a little stir crazy, so in 1 day I managed to go from Penn Station to Roasting Plant (7th/ Greenwich ave), then to macdougal st, WTC, Wall Street, South Street Seaport, battery park, times square, Rockefeller's center, St.Patrick's, FAO, Apple store, 20 blocks through Central Park, Soho, Lombardi's, and then finally ended the day with some delicious gelato from some place in the west village. Yikes! This was partly because I was showing a friend New York for the first time...but also because I felt homesick and needed to see as much of the city as I could as quick as possible. It felt SO good to be back, that I could barely contain myself.
My favorite day by far was Saturday. Drove into the city (still know my way WITHOUT a GPS) with my pseudo-sister Kendra and Yasmine. We went to the Top of the Rock for the first time and my heart melted when I saw the city from that view....Then, 7:00 rolled around...and one of my dreams came true! I saw the great Lionel Messi in person!!!!!! It was truly one of the most awesome soccer games I've seen, to actually see the worlds best player ( not just in my opinion) was an amazing experience. I actually found the Argentina bus afterwards and ended up being 30 ft away from him....wowza ( p.s. he looks WAY better in person).
Now, the part that made me miss the east coast the most was being back at Liquid all day on Sunday. To see the people that I worked alongside all summer was such a blessing. The sermon also moved me and motivated me to take part in the Daniel fast that the whole congregation doing. Fasting is something that I've always wanted to do, but whimped out on. The thought of going to food or anything worldly for comfort instead of God, made me step back and reevaluate my relationship with God. So for the remaining 16 days, I'll be fasting alongside my peeps in Jersey. With fasting comes prayer, not just our normal prayers...these are focused and determined prayers. The pastor brought up the fact that we are so quick to give up on praying for certain things because they don't happen immediately. In Luke 11:9, Jesus is talking about how we need to be persistent in our prayers and keep pestering God with something that is on our hearts.
Needless to say, but man that was a good vacation for my heart. I needed a refresher from life, and to get back to where I hope to be someday. New York never fails to put a smile on my face :)

Sigh No More

The lyrics of this Mumford and Sons song have had a powerful grip on me for awhile, and today I finally realized what it truly meant to me and how it portrays the life of a Christian so honestly

Serve God, Love me, and mend
This is not the end
Live unbruised, we are friends
I'm sorry, I'm sorry

Sigh no more, no more
One foot on sea, one on shore
my heart was never pure
you know me,  you know me
but man is a giddy thing
oh man is a giddy thing
oh man is a giddy thing
oh man is a giddy thing

Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you
It will set you free, be more like the man you were made to be
There is a design an alignment, a cry of my heart to see
The beauty of Love, as it was made to be

This song is written in the perspective of a Christian who is struggling with giving everything to God. One foot in sea, one on shore. We love the idea that we can give all of our anxieties and worries to Christ, but do we ever fully do just that? As humans, we are prone to think that we can handle everything on our own, and that it will all be OK in the end, yet it never ends up that way. We screw something up and then ask for forgiveness and guidance.... over and over again. The end of that stanza hits me every time, he knows me. There's nothing that he doesn't know already. I can't surprise him, I can't deceive him. He knows my heart better that I do. Although I may doubt my faith, my worth, or my success on a daily basis... he never does. He knows my potential.

The more we accept this love that we are given, the more we become what God intended us to be. He sent his only son, so that we could be free and be more like the people we were made to be. His love will stand the test of time, and will never fail.

Let us...

This weekend was the retreat for the college ministry at my church, and it was a one of those weekends that make you think about the life you really want to live. It was so cool to see 12 college students dedicating our lives to the one who rules with truth in love. During worship or prayer, I would look around at my group, and find myself humbled and overjoyed. It is by God's good grace that he has brought this group together to make a difference. We don't just want to be Christians that go to church on Sunday morning, we want to be Christ followers who help others realize the glory of God's kingdom. During our bible message on Friday night, we laid out our vision for this group, which is found in Hebrews 10:22-25.
"Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching."
We also had a speaker with us, who talked about being a Christian in the college world. His talk centered around three S's. Seek, surround and share. He stressed the point that we need to seek Gods will and continue to read his word. It is essential to read the bible on a daily basis to stay on a straight path. Secondly, we must surround ourselves with those who are like minded. This isn't to say that we shouldn't be friends who don't know Christ yet, but rather to have accountability. Lastly, the hardest part... sharing. It's easy to talk about our faith within a Christian community, because we all believe in the same thing, but talking to others about our faith is one of the most difficult things for us. There is almost a sense of embarrassment when talking to our non-Christian friends about Christianity. Our group leader, Mike, put it this way- if we were the only person in our world who knew Christ and it was our job to tell the world about him, what would that look like? Plain and simple... to love others as God loves us.
For the rest of the weekend, we spent time in worship, games, and had our own quiet time. Getting to know people, outside of the leaders, brought so much joy to me. It's one of my favorite things to get to know people and hear more about their life. I love to ask questions and simply listen to their story. Saturday afternoon came to quickly, and it was a bummer to leave early. I can't wait to see what is in store for this group and how the relationships blossom.

First Blog Post...Ever!

Hey guys!
So this is my first blog....ever, and I hope to share my somewhat wacky adventures with you guys. I'm an accounting major, so don't expect perfect grammar. Within the last year, I've felt God's presence in my life more and more. The friends that I've been surrounded by are more than I could ask for, and it really feels like my purpose and calling is becoming more clear. I am graduating at the end of November, which is a little intimidating, but I also know that God has a plan and his love never fails.
So just for recap.... this past summer changed my life. I spent the summer interning at a church in New Jersey and spending whatever free time I had in my favorite city, NYC. When I arrived in mid June, I was just excited at the fact that I was going to be living a half an hour away from the big apple, little did I know, that God was behind the scenes working on making that city my calling. I fell more and more in love with it, every time I went. I still get butterflies whenever I get out of the Holland tunnel and see that beautiful skyline. The people, the culture, the architecture.... everything. My family has some history there as well; my great-grandparents lived in Forest Hills, Queens and my Nana was born in Hells Kitchen.
For now, I know I'm in the right place. I have the most amazing and supportive friends a girl could ask for. So I'll wait, and listen. My time in NYC has not yet begun, and my story in Chicago has not ended. Over the next year, I'll share what has been happening in my life and in my community and I'm excited to share it.